8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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