I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
