I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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