Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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