It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
