So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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