Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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