Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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