I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
