i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
