just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
