my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
