Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
