he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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