haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
