we have officially lost it.
My friends, they love my intelligence
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
