Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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