Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
