i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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