hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
