One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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