Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
