If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
