when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
