I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
