I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
