I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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