forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
