she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
