So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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