guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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