that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
40s are totally the cure
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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