i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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