I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
