some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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