That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
