i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
