and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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