The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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