Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
