kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
