I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
