No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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