Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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