he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We are all done wearing pants today
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
