Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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