There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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