The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
