yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
