can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His nipple licking is glorious
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