bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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