You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
