My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wish my penis had a tongue
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.