It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dignity is for republicans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.