When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed