Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.