yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.