I got chris browned last night
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever