Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome