I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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