What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My bed smells like the plague
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
