I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
