i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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