this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
