$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
