You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
