You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
