We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
