If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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