Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
