You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
