we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
