I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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