Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
