I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
