As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
